Quiet Wounds, Loud Healing

Some pain doesn’t shout; it scripts. We open up the “wounds we don’t talk about” and show how early experiences quietly train our nervous system, turning survival strategies into adult personalities. With a mix of heartfelt prayer, scripture, and grounded psychology, we chart a path from hypervigilance and perfectionism to security and peace. You’ll hear why triggers feel so big, how betrayal, abandonment, rejection, and childhood chaos become systems, and what to do when intensity keeps masquerading as intimacy.

We walk step by step through a four-phase framework. First comes awareness: spotting repeating patterns, naming disproportionate reactions, and journaling the cycle of what happened, what you felt, what you assumed, and what you feared. Then compassion: separating behavior from identity so change isn’t smothered by shame. Reframing returns your power by shifting from “I’m broken” to “I adapted,” honoring how people pleasing, hyper-independence, and detachment once kept you safe—and recognizing the cost they now carry. Finally, repair turns insight into action: regulated, honest conversations that reduce resentment, boundaries that protect connection, therapy or pastoral counsel for a corrective experience, and daily regulation tools that keep emotions from hijacking decisions.

Along the way, we translate triggers as messages from the younger self—correction that awakens old humiliation, distance that echoes loss, kindness that once felt like bait—and we surface the beliefs beneath them. You’ll leave with language, practices, and faith-filled courage to replace survival with secure attachment: naming feelings, asking for reassurance, staying present in conflict, and building consistency that rewires expectation. You are not what hurt you. You adapted to survive; now you can learn to thrive.

If this moved you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the pattern you’re choosing to reframe this week. Your story can help someone start their small beginning today.

Transcript

Tempo: 120.0

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Yo, yo, yo, yo, family, what's going on on today? Welcome to season eight, episode three. The wounds we don't talk about. Okay. Some pain never makes noise. It hides incompetence. It dresses itself in independence. It smiles in rooms where it still feels unsafe. Today's episode steps into the quiet injuries, childhood fractures, betrayal that we were trust. Abandonment that echoed louder than words. Rejection that shaped identity before we knew we had one. Not to reopen wounds carelessly on today, but to understand what has been stirring us up on the inside. Now, before we even get into that, guys, I got a sidebar on today. I got a sidebar, I got a sidebar conversation that I want to have with you guys. And I want you guys to understand this on today. I really want you to grab this in your mind. I I listen, I desire this for you. I desire that you understand that you can have a fresh start, okay? That you can have a fresh start. You can start over, okay? You can start over. You harvest what you plant. Pumpkin seeds produce pumpkins, sunflower seeds produce sunflowers. That is exactly why you must beg the Lord to plant within you a clean heart. So that your life will produce clean thoughts, actions, and motives. The bad desires and thoughts that remain are evidence that some bad seeds have also been planted, and you need to do some weeding of the weeds. Complete renewal is not yet accomplished. None of us will be entirely pure in this life, but purity of mind and heart is one of the most worthy goals to pursue. He says, Create in me a clean heart, oh God. Renew a right spirit within me. That's Psalms 51 and 10. And I want you to hear the voice of God right here. And I love this one here. It says, Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin. There are so many of us on the daily basis that will say, I'm not doing it right, this is not good enough. God, you know, and we are down, we are sad, and we are frustrated. But God is saying, He's give first first of all, he's giving you direction. He says, Do not despise. And then he's telling you what he is doing with your small beginnings. He says, I'm rejoicing. I'm in the heavens, I'm on my throne, and I'm excited that you are that you are deciding to move into betterness. God is saying, I am rejoicing, I am ecstatic, I'm jumping, I'm I'm I'm up, I'm up, and I'm elated that you decided today that today will be the day that you will move into better, that you were going to move into holiness, that you were going to move into cleanness. God is saying that it starts here. Right? So, what does that look like in our daily lives? It looks like this in our daily lives. It's saying Monday, I said I was going to do it. Tuesday, I did it. Wednesday, I failed. Thursday came. I told God that I was going to do it again. So I got up and I told him, Thursday, I got this. God rejoiced. So here it is. Thursday comes Friday. I was tempted. I got past it. I made it to Saturday. I was tempted again. And then I came to good old Sunday, and I received a good word that helped me carry on through God's grace and mercy. Because he told me that he would carry me on. I made it to Monday and I stumbled again. And we'll get frustrated as the pattern goes, not realizing that, hey, listen, this is the start. We are we are treading new ground. We are knocking down trees, we are making the ground smooth so that we can bring in pavers and pave this hill ground and turn this dirt into asphalt. But understand that it takes work and it's going to take time because it's not going to happen overnight. God, I thank you for rejoicing on my small beginnings. Listen to the voice of God right here. Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature. You can be a new you. I don't care what people tell you on a daily basis or what you used to be. I'm telling you what God says. You are new. Okay? You are new. And here is a promise from God that He's promising to you. And I want you to hear this right now. Hear the voice of the Lord when He says, I am sure that God who began the good work within you will continue his work until it is finally finished. On that day when Christ Jesus comes back again, God is never going to give up on you. God is continuing to work through you. God is going to continue to move and push you and love on you and give you his grace and give you his favor all the way until the very day Jesus cracks that sky and comes back and says, Come on, my people, the trumpet sound. Listen, there is still time. So if God is not going to give up on you, if the one that created you is not going to give up to you, give up on you, what right do you have to sit down, fold your arms, cross your legs, and say, I am done? What right do you have to give up and quit? What right? I'm telling you on today, you have no right. Because God holds all the rights, and he has already told you that he's going to keep you all the way until his son returns. All the way until his son returns. Let's get started with this episode, y'all.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. Meeting you where you are, no matter what time of the day it is. Welcome to the Crown Table Unleashed. Are you ready to be motivated, inspired, and encouraged? It's time for you to get in step with the spirit. Here is your host, Jeffy Clark the Third.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

From this hill in the world's book. A rules from Jess. A branch from David. Um it's doing what's the always play.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Come on here, y'all. Let me tell you something. God is in love with you. God cares about everything that you have going on. Hallelujah, Father. I thank you on today, God, for all that you are, God, and all that you do, God. Father, I thank you for being present, God. I thank ya for never leaving my life. I thank you for holding me together, God. Father, there are times when I felt like I wanted to quit. There are times when I felt like I wasn't good enough. There are times, God. Father, I need you to wrap your arms around me on today, God. God, lean in on my situation and my circumstances. God, I need ya more than I ever needed you before. On today, God, hallelujah, father, I thank ya. Russandaboo sanama shaya. I thank you, Father. That you are the king of kings, God. Thank you today, God. I praise ya. Yes, God, hallelujah, God. Oh God, thank ya. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. There's so much, guys, that we could not do if it was not for God leaning in on our life. I know it seems dark. I know it seems frustrating. I know it seems like it's never going to end. But I come to tell somebody on today that God starts, that God starts, He is leaning in your direction. He is leaning on your situation. He is leaning on your heartbreak. He is leaning on your frustration. He is leaning on your sadness. He is coming to rescue you. He desires you to be healed. He desires you to walk in your break through Radanaboshika. I come to tell somebody on today of the victory of Yahweh. The victory of our most high God. Yes, God, I tell you on today, Lion of Judah. Hallelujah. God thank you. Oh, God, thank you. Hallelujah. God thank you. Hallelujah, God. Oh man, God. Hallelujah, God. Oh, God, thank you. Oh, God, I thank you on today, God. Hallelujah, God. I want to I want to join you on today, Lord. I want to join you in breakthrough. I want to join you when you rejoice. I want to join your father in every aspect that it is, oh God. Hallelujah, God. God, God, God. I'm telling you on today, God. Woo, Lord, hallelujah. Hallelujah. On this Wednesday. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Listen, hallelujah. Kings and queens, welcome in. I want you to understand. Oh my goodness, guys. I am filled on today. I am in the moment. I don't even know if I'm gonna make it into this teaching. God, hallelujah. God, I just want to praise you and rejoice with you, God. God, I want to tell you how good you are, God. God, I want to tell you how amazing and how magnificent you are. Oh God. In spite of every single thing, in spite of the weapons forming, God, I thank you that they should never prosper. And every tongue that rises against us in judgment, God, we shall refute. We bind every word curse, God. We bind it up, Father, in the mighty name of Jesus. We bind every fiery dart that the enemy is trying to send against us, God. Hallelujah. God says we are more than conquerors, and we tread on the heads of snakes and scorpions. We shed on those very things, oh God. We walk tall, we walk boldly, and we walk strongly because Jesus has given us that authority and that right, God. Thank you for your mercy, God. Thank you for your favor. Thank you for your blessings. Thank you for still seeing us, oh God. Hallelujah, God. I thank you on today, God. Oh, I gotta praise on today. I gotta thank you on today. I gotta worship on today. Hallelujah, God. Thank you, God. Yes, Lord. Hallelujah, God. Hey, hallelujah, hallelujah! Hallelujah. How many of you know that only God could bring you through some of the situations and circumstances that you've been a part of? How many of you understand? How many of you know that you would have perished a long time ago had it not been for God? Hallelujah. How many of you have been kept by God even when you knew you were undeserving of being kept? How many of you knew? Hallelujah. I know there have been plenty of times for me where God could have let me go, or God could have given up on me. But because my God loves me so is the reason why I am still here. It's the reason why I am able to operate in the gifting that God has given me. God, I'm thankful that you did not give up on me. I'm thankful that you still desire to be in relationship with me, God. So God, I'm telling you on today, my listeners are telling you on today, God, we desire to be close unto you, God. So anything that's standing in the way, Father God, we ask you to remove it in the name of Jesus. We ask you, Father, whatever it is that's causing us to have that gap of silence that's has enough to cause that gap of doubt where we don't know exactly where you are, God. We ask you to remove it right now in the mighty name of Jesus. And I believe it right now for your healing down on the inside of your body. I don't care what you're dealing with, I'm coming to tell you. I don't care what the doctor said, I don't care what the report says. I'm talking about the healing power of Jesus Christ to come to heal up anything that you need healing with. Uh your emotional pain, your emotional distress, uh, your for your sadness. God is coming to heal that very thing right now in the mighty name of Jesus. I believe it in his whole totality, and I believe it for you on today. Thank you, God, hallelujah. God is gonna get it done. God is going to get it done. Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Father. I thank you, God, on today, God. Thank you, God, hallelujah. God, bless the message on today, God. Bless the message, oh Father God. May it resonate, may it resonate, Father, with the listeners on today, God. And Father God, may they do the work that is required to be done, Father, that they can walk free on today, God. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. God says he's coming to bring freedom to you on today. God says he's coming to bring release to you on today. God says there's no more holding on to what used to hurt you. God says he's coming to bring rest to the situation, he's coming to bring rest to your situation. God, that I will see you. God says, here we go. God says, hallelujah, lean in on me, my child, for everything that you have been holding on to, and everything that feels heavy on you. God says, I am strong enough to carry it. I am the Mac truck that can carry all the load. God says He is the one that can carry any situation, any pain, any heartbreak, any emotional situation. God says he has already sent his son to down the cross for the sins that you hold on to, that you think are condemning you. God says I've thrown that very thing into the sea of forgetfulness. God says, I have forgotten. How dare you continue to hold on to what has been forgotten? God says he loves you, God says he favors you, and God says you walk under a new covenant called grace. And God says that Jesus paid the price on the cross. Walk into it, walk into love, walk into peace, walk into joy, walk into better, walk into goodness, walk into greatness. Come on, walk into what God has for you on today. Hallelujah. I'm ready to walk in. Hallelujah. Somebody put their hands up and say, I'm ready to walk in on what God has for me today. I'm on a podcast telling y'all to lift your hands up if you film me right now. Come on here and turn to somebody next to you and tell them I'm ready for what for the newness that God has for me. Come on, come on. Tell somebody across the street, wherever you're listening to it, say, I'm ready for what God has for me. The newness that God has for me. Hallelujah. Come on, let's get into this teaching on the day. I don't had y'all long enough. Hallelujah. God shaya. Hallelujah. I want to talk about how early experiences shape adult behavior. Okay, within our life. How early experiences in our life shape our adult behavior? Childhood is not just a memory, it is a blueprint. The nervous system learns early. Is the world safe? Are my needs too much? Does love stay? Do I have to perform to be valued? When a child experiences inconsistencies, criticism, emotional absence, or trauma, the body adapts and adaptation becomes personality. What once protected you may now restrict you. Here are some examples. If something goes wrong, they assume it is their job to fix it. Is that you? Is that you? The child who praised only for performance becomes the adult who cannot separate achievement from identity. Productivity feels like oxygen. Rest feels like guilt. Is that you? The child who was criticized constantly becomes the adult with a harsh inner voice. Even success feels temporary because the eternal critic is always waiting. Is that you? The child who experienced emotional unpredictability becomes the adult who scans rooms for mood shifts. Hyperviligence feels normal. Calm feels unfamiliar. Is that you? The child who had secrets in the home becomes the adult who struggles with transparency. Volumility feels dangerous because truth once carried consequences. Is that you? The child who was compared to siblings becomes the adult who competes unnecessarily. Even friendships feel like auditions. Is that you? The child who was dismissed when expressing feelings becomes the adult who struggles to name emotions. They say I am fine because that was once safer than honesty. Is that you? The child who had to earn affection becomes the adult who performs who performs in relationships. They give excessively. They feel that if they stop producing, love will leave. Is that you? The child who has abandoned emotionally, though, through though not um physically, becomes the adult who feels silent in conversations. Space feels like rejection. Is that you? The child who grew up in chaos becomes the adult who feels uneasy. Instability. Peace feels like suspicious. Drama feels familiar. Is that you? The child who experienced betrayal from a trusted adult becomes the adult who tests loyalty constantly. They may push people away before those people can leave first. Is that you? The child who was shamed for mistakes becomes the adult who avoids trying new things. Perfectionism becomes armor against humiliation. Is that you? The child who had to suppress anger becomes the adult whose anger leaks out as Sarcasm withdrawal of passive aggression. Is that you? The child who felt invisible becomes the adult who either over talks to stay seen or shrinks in rooms to avoid further rejection. Is that you? The child who learned love was inconsistent becomes the adult who mistakes intensity for intimacy. Is that you? See, the pattern is simple but profound. What protected you then may be imprisoning you now. And here's the deeper layer most people miss. These behaviors are not flaws, they are strategies. At some point, those strategies worked. They kept you safe, they helped you survive environments where you had limited power and limited voice. But survival mode is not the same as secure living. The question is not why am I like this? The question is when did I learn this? Because when you trace the behavior back to its origins, shame loses its grip. And once shame loosens, healing has room to breathe. Behavior is rarely random, it is usually protective. The problem is that protection mechanisms built for survival often outlive the danger. You are not crazy. Hear me. You are not crazy. You are just patterned. And patterns can be unlearned because wounds do not just hurt, they train, they create rules, they bear inner vows, they shape what you tolerate, what you chase, what you fear, and what you call normal. The wound under the womb, here it is. Most adult behavior is not about what is happening, it is about what it is about what it means. A text, not return, is not just a text. It means I am not important. A disagreement is not just a disagreement, it means I am about to be left. A correction is not just correction, it means I am not good enough. So the depot work is meaning work. What meaning did you attach to pain back then? And how is that meaning still driving you now? I want you to write that down. I want you to write that down. What meaning did you attach to pain back then? And how is that meaning still driving you now? Now here on this down, write this down to the four quiet core wounds and how they manifest. Write that down. The four quiet core wounds and how they manifest. Number one is childhood wounds. Childhood wounds show up show up as systems, not just memories. But systems. Examples. You apologize even when you are hurt because you learned peace mattered more than truth. You do not ask for what you need because you need because needs were punished or ignored. You readone more than words because the home was unpredictable. You become the strong one because weakness was not safe. You crave praise because affirmation was rare. You reject yourself preemptively because rejection felt inevitable. Here's the deep signal to that. If you only feel safe when you are useful, that is often a childhood adaption. Write down number two of the four, which is betrayal wounds. Betrayal wounds rewrite trust. They make people look suspicious even when they are sincere. Examples. You demand proof of loyalty constantly, but you call it standards. You test people with silence to see if they if they will chase you. Woo! Jesus. That might be a little me in that. That'd be a little me right there, y'all. Glory be to God. Heal it, Father, in the name of Jesus, right now, Father. You keep secrets as protection. Then wonder why intimacy feels thin. You control details because being surprised feels like being portrayed. You assume people have hidden motives so you never fully relax. Here's the deeper signal to that. When trust was broken early, the heart often chooses control over closeness. Number three, write this down. Abandonment wounds, abandonment wounds. Abandonment wounds create panic around distance. Even healthy space can feel like loss. Oh, we're finna get into it on this one right here. This mic has some of me in it too. You over-explain yourself because you fear because you fear being misunderstood and left. These are the examples. You cling, then resent yourself for clinging. You accept crumbs because you are afraid of having nothing. You stay in relationships, you outgrew because leaving feels like dying. Man, sometimes, boy, it'd be hard for me to pull away from some things. Or, you know, yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes for me, y'all, it'd be like that. I'd be, I mean, I'm I'm in that little piece right there. You spiral when someone is quiet, busy, or emotionally unavailable. Spiral is spiral is a strong word. Spiral is a strong word. Spiraling? Whew. Jesus. The deeper signal to this. Abandonment does not only create fear of being alone, it creates fear that you will not survive being alone. I'm here to tell somebody on today, you would definitely survive being alone. I'm telling you today. Number four, rejection wounds. Rejection wounds. Rejection wounds attack identity, not just feeling identity, feelings, not just feelings, but identity. Examples of this is you shrink in rooms so nobody can judge you. You overperform so you can be undeniable. You become funny so you can be liked. You become critical so you can reject others first. And you sabotage opportunities because success would expose you to more elevation. The deeper signal to this is rejection teaches a person to treat visibility like danger. Now, here are some inner vows, some inner vows that people make. And here's where it gets a little real for us. Pain creates vows. Okay. You rarely say, you rarely say them out loud, but you live them faithfully. Here are some common inner vows that we make. I would never need anyone. If I depend on people, I will get hurt. If I do, if I if I if I have to be perfect, um, I have to be perfect to be loved. And if I show my real feelings, people will leave. I will always be the one who holds it together. I cannot trust my judgment, and love never lasts. These vows become the scripts you run in adulthood. Healing is often breaking vows you never meant to make. Here are some attachment patterns. Attachment is not just a style, it is the nervous system relationship to closeness. Anxious attachment in real life looks like needing reassurance, but feeling a shame for needing it, reading into everything, punctuation, timing, tone. Um feeling too much, then re then resenting people for not being enough, and then choosing emotional emotionally unavailable people because they chase the chase feels familiar. Avoiding attachment in real life looks like being the calm one outwardly but flooded inwardly, feeling drained by emotional needs, shutting down when conversations get um vulnerable, and providing solutions instead of presence. Loving people, but from a distance you control. Disorganized attachment in real life looks like this. I want you close, but closeness scares me. Intense connection followed by withdrawal, fear of abandonment, and fear of intimacy at the same time, attraction to choose because stability feels unreal. Right, triggers are teachers, but deeper. Okay? Why are triggers listen here? Let me let me before I even go into this one. Before I even go into this one, because people people love to talk about triggers, man. Some people say some things. I don't say I don't been speaking, said something. And people don't uh got mad at me, man. People don't people don't got mad at me, y'all. I'm serious. And I'm trying to figure out why they mad at me. You know what I'm saying? Why are they mad at me? Over they over their triggers. Right? So let me go ahead and name some of these triggers that people be saying and people be saying this stuff, right? Rhy triggers our teachers, why triggers our teachers, but deeper. A trigger is a message from the younger you. It is the child saying, This feels like before. Here's a deeper trigger translation for y'all. When someone corrects you and you feel rage, the translation that they receive is I was shamed and I prom and I promised I would never be small again. When someone disappoints you and you feel numb, translation, hope hurt me before, so I shut it off. Y'all get this? Do y'all get them first triggers? Here's one. When someone needs you and you feel irritation, someone needs you and you feel irritation, you translate that to I was parent field and I'm tired of carrying what is not mine. When someone is kind to you and you feel suspicious, the translation is kindness used to be bait. When things are going well and you feel anxious, you translate peace never lasted, so I'm bracing for impact. These are triggers that y'all got. These are triggers. Okay. These are triggers.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

These are triggers.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

And those are triggers that you we have told ourselves. Triggers are teachers because they reveal what you fear, what you believe about yourself, and what you expect from people. And what excuse me. And what you never healed from. And here are three hidden coping identities. Most people choose one of these without realizing it. The fixer. I keep people safe so they will not leave me. It shows up as overhelping, rescuing, neglecting self, burnout, and resentment. The performer, if I am impressive, I will be untouchable, shows up as overachievement, image management, fear of failure, and anxiety. The disconnector, if I feel nothing, nothing can hurt me, shows up as numbing, detachment, avoidance, loneliness, and control. Each identity is a survival suit, but you cannot heal in armor you refuse to remove. Here's something deeper for you. Some of us are not reacting to our spouse, our leader, our friend, or job. We are reacting to an old feeling that found a new face. The argument is current, but the wound is ancient. And until the wound is named, the trigger will keep preaching. Here's what I want you guys to reflect on. Reflect right here. What am I afraid will happen if I tell the truth about how I feel? Write that down. Write this down. What kind of love do I do I chase? Consistent love or in or intense love? When I get triggered, what age do I feel? Come on. Write that. When I get triggered, what age do I feel? What do I do to feel safe? Control, withdraw, perform, or please? What do I do to feel safe? Control, withdraw, perform, or please? And what did I learn about love in my childhood home? What did I learn about love in my childhood home? And what inner vows am I living by? What inner vows am I living by? Let's move into phase one. Write down phase one, awareness. Phase one is awareness. Identifying patterns in relationships and emotional response. Awareness is the doorway. Not fixing, not defending, not spiritualizing, it's just seeing y'all. Most people skip this step because awareness feels uncomfortable. It removes the illusion that every reaction is justified by the present moment. Instead, it gently suggests something deeper, maybe operating underneath. Awareness acts as this. Is this reaction about now or is it about then? Identifying patterns in relationships. Patterns are are respected emotional cycles. If something keeps happening with different people, it's rarely a coincidence. Common repeating patterns to help to help you all. I attract emotionally unavailable partners. I feel unseen even when people affirm me. I lose interest when someone gets too close. I feel responsible for everyone's emotional stability. Here is this if the names change but the dynamic stays the same, you are likely looking at a pattern. I want to encourage you right here. Look for three out of five in their closer relationship. And I want you to ask this. Are you the fixer, the peacemaker, the strong one, the one who leads first, the one who chases? I want you to look at three or five of your close relationship and figure out if you are the fixer, the peacemaker, the strong one, the one who leads first, or the one who chases. And the role that I want you to ask is what role do I usually play? Patterns reveal survival strategies still running in the background.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Identifying emotional responses. Let's move from behavior to emotion. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Disproportionate reactions are powerful clues. A disproportionate reaction is when the emotional intensity is much larger than the situation. The body reacts before the mind can think. You feel flooded, frozen, or frantic. Examples of this is a mild disagreement feels like betrayal. A delayed response feels like abandonment. Constructive feedback feels like humiliation. Silence feels like feels threatening. I want you to see if you notice this. What situations consistently produce strong reactions in me? Write that down. What situations consistently produce strong reactions in me? Not random triggers, consistent ones. Because repetition is evidence. Okay. Let's move into the journaling prompts, y'all. I believe in writing things down so you can come back to it. What situations create disproportionate reactions? Right then now is the title, the question title. What situations create disproportionate reactions? And here are the questions. When do I feel overly defensive? When do I feel unusually anxious? When do I shut down emotionally? When do I overexplain myself? And when do I feel the urge to withdraw or control? Then I want you to write this down as a title question. What do I fear most in relationships? You know, write it down as a title with a question behind behind it because it's a question. They got some other little questions up under it. What do I fear most in relationships? Is it being abandoned? Is it being exposed? Is it being misunderstood? Is it being replaced? Is it being controlled? Is it being unneeded? Unneeded. Unneeded. Let me go ahead and respond to this here question for myself. For me, it would be what do I feel most in relationships? It was it would be being uh being abandoned. It would be being abandoned. I can tell you this. There was a time in my a time in my life. I can tell you this. It's quite recently that I've I've overcome this, but it was a time in my life where I felt like people that didn't talk to me or people that I would call my brothers who I didn't speak to in a long time, but like, well, dang, they don't m they must be don't love me no more. You know what I'm saying? Like, I used to have a face like that. But y'all know what I did. That's why I say God is so powerful, man. And God is so real. Oh my gosh. Y'all, I just one day in the truck, man. I just, I was late night. I was praying, praying, praying. I was like, God, I need you to be my friend. I was like, y'all, I was like, God, I need you to be what I've been looking for in people. Because it's obviously that I ain't getting it. And then I need you to heal it, and I need you to close it, and I need you to bring me all the way through it. Right? And when I tell you, y'all, God did that thing for me. When I know when I tell you God leaned in on me, and God was like, cool. I can be your friend. I can be that brother that you need. I can be all of that. And that's what's so amazing about the God that we all serve. That yeah, we have the Bible, and the Bible is great. It's great to read the history, to get the doctrine, to get the teaching. But when you take the word of God and you say, I'm going to live it, I'm going to do it. God will give you an unbelievable testimony. For you to testify of his goodness in your life. And that is the strongest evidence. The strongest evidence of our God being 100% alive and 100% real is because we have a relationship. And just like nobody can tell you about your best friend, nobody can tell you about God and the relationship that you and him have. And you and him have walked through, that you and him have talked through.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Okay?

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Alright, let's get back on track. Write this down. When I am triggered, what story does my mind tell me? When you feel triggered, what story does your mind tell you? Because it's awfully, it's obviously it's the opposite, because this is just the way that you are feeling from the trauma that you have experienced, but this is not necessarily the case. Is it saying I'm not enough? Is it saying I am too much? Is it saying I cannot trust anyone? Is it saying I will always be alone? Is it saying I have to hold everything together? Awareness is recognizing the story before automatically obeying it. Okay. Awareness is recognizing the story before you automatically obey it. Now here's the nervous system, the nervous system connection that I was talking about earlier on in our in our in our episode. I want you to understand reactions are not weakness. They are wiring. When something triggers you, your nervous system scans for familiarity. If the current situation resembles a past emotional injury, even slightly, the body reacts as the old danger is back. Your body remembers what your mind minimized. Awareness means slowing down enough to say my reaction makes sense. But is it current? What awareness is not. Endlessly, it is not labeling yourself as broken. Awareness is simply gathering data. You cannot heal what you refuse to examine. I want you to do this for one week. Write this down. Put this at the top. Exercise. Put exercise at the top for this. His title. For this next step. I'm going to give you something to create. And I want you to do it for one week. And I want you to track your emotional spikes. Okay. And I love this part of stuff because it's like, listen, we're going to get to the healing, but you still got to you got to go through it again to know that you've conquered it. Right? You have to experience it again. Um so here it is. For week one. Week one, I want you to do this. Every time you feel defensive, anxious, numb, irritated, rejected, overwhelmed, pause, and I want you to write this. I want you to figure out what happened. What did I feel? What did I assume? And what did I fear? After you have done this, where a few entries and a few patterns emerge, and once the patterns are visible, this is what's going to happen. They lose some of their power. Because now you finna attack this thing. Okay. Awareness is not condemnation, it is clarity. And clarity is mercy. You are not trying to prove you are flawed, you are trying to understand why you react the way you do. Because once you see the patterns, you cannot interrupt it. Excuse me, you can interrupt it. And that is where healing begins. If you okay, y'all got that? Let's move into phase two, which is compassion. Compassion. Separating behavior from identity. Awareness shows you the pattern. Compassion keeps you from attacking yourself for having it. This is where most people derail, okay? They finally see the pattern and immediately turn in turn it into self-condemnation. I am too much, I am broken, I ruined everything, I'll never change. But healing cannot grow in an atmosphere of shame. So let me teach this in clarity. Your behavior is not your identity, your reaction is not your worth, your coping strategy is not your character. So the difference between I did and I am, this is foundational, y'all. The difference between I did and I am, there is a massive difference between the two. Okay. I overreacted and I am crazy. I shut down and I am emotionally unavailable. I became defensive and I am impossible to love. One describes behavior, the other attacks identity. Okay? One describes a behavior, I became defensive, defensive. The other attacks identity, I am impossible to love. One describes behavior, I shut down. And the other describes attacks identity, I am emotionally unavailable. Okay? When you confuse behavior with identity, you move from responsibility to shame. And shame does not produce growth, it produces hiding. Compassion sounds like this. My reaction makes sense given my history, but I can learn a different one. Notice what that does. It acknowledges the pattern, it honors the origin, it leaves room for change. Why compassion is not is not excusing. This is important, guys. Compassion is not denial, compassion is not justification. Compassion is not avoiding accountability. Compassion says there was a reason I developed this response. It does not say I would keep harming people and blame my past. You can take ownership without attacking yourself. Ownership without compassion creates shame. Compassion with ownership creates creates stagnation. Healing requires both. Here's the role of shame. Shame says something is wrong with me. Conviction or healthy awareness says something needs adjustment. Shame attacks identity. Conviction addresses behavior. When someone grew up in environments where mistakes were met with humiliation, they often eternalize this pattern. Every misstep feels like proof of personal defect. So instead of I got triggered, they think I'm defective. Compassion interrupts that script. So let's rewrite that eternal dialogue. And let's change that in a language. Instead of why am I like this? I want you to try this. When did I learn this? Instead of I should be better by now, I want you to say this. It makes sense that this still affects me, but I am not stuck here. Instead of I always ruin relationships, I want you to try this. I see pattern, I see a pattern, that means I can work on it. Compassion creates emotional safety inside your own mind. And when you feel safe eternally, you are more willing to examine difficult truths. The nervous system and the compassion. Many trauma responses are automatic. The nervous system reacts before conscious thought arrives. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn. If your body learned that learned that shutting down prevented harm, it was shut down automatically under stress. Compassion says, My body is trying to protect me. Shame says, what is wrong with me? When you approach your reactions with with curious curiosity instead of condemnation, you reduce internal resistance. And reduce resistance allows rewiring. I want to speak to the younger you. I want you to speak to your younger you. Okay? I want you to speak to your younger you. Okay. If you could speak to the younger version of yourself, when this womb first formed, would you yell at them? Would you say you are too sensitive? You're dramatic, get over it. Or would you say you were doing the best you could, you didn't deserve that, you are trying to survive. Compassion means offering that same tone tone to your present self. Some of you are not struggling with the wound as much as you are struggling with your hatred of having the wound. And until you stop punishing yourself for surviving, healing will feel unsafe. Your reactions were once intelligent responses to unsafe environment. Now you are learning new responses in a safer one. That is growth. My reaction makes sense given my history, but the history does not get to define my future. Compassion quiets shame. And when shame quiet, the heart softens. And with the heart softens, healing can finally begin. Let's pop into phase three, reframing. From broken to adopted, from triggered to taught. Reframing is where your power returns. Up until now, we have identified the pattern and softened the shame. Now we change the lens because the lens determines the story and the story determines the future. From I am broken to I adapted. I said adopted earlier, I'm sorry. I adapted. When someone says I am broken, they are speaking identity. When someone says I adapted, they are speaking survival. Broken implies the defect. Adapted implies intelligence. Think about this clearly. If a child grows up in chaos and becomes hyperaware, that is not brokenness, that is adaptation. If a child grows up feeling emotionally unsafe and learns to shut down feelings, that is not brokenness, that is protection. If a child experiences abandonment and becomes clingy or overly independent, that is not madness, that is the nervous system trying to avoid future pain. Adaptation says I did what I had to do to survive. Broken says there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Reframing moves you from shame to strategy. It allows you to ask, is this strategy still necessary? Because what kept you alive in one season may now be keeping you from intimacy, peace, and growth in this new season. Understanding the cost of old adaptations. Every adaptation has a benefit and a cost. Hyper independence protects you from disappointment, but it also blocks deep connection. People pleasing keeps conflict low, but it erodes authenticity. Emotional detachment reduces vulnerability, but it reduces joy. Perfectionism prevents criticism, but it prevents rest. Reframing does not shame the adaptation, it elevates it. You can honor what it what it did for you while recognizing it is no longer serving you. This is maturity. From why am I triggered to what is this teaching me? When you ask why am I triggered, the tone is often executory, right? It carries frustration. It implies failure. It assumes you should be beyond this. But when you ask, what is this teaching me? The tone shifts to curiosity. Curiosity curiosity Curiosity invites discovery. A trigger becomes a messenger. For example, if criticism, if criticism triggers intense shame, the lesson may be I still tie my worth to performance. If distance triggers panic, the lesson may be I equate space with abandonment. If someone sus someone's success triggers insecurity, the lesson may be I learned love was competitive. Triggers are not interruptions to healing, they are entry points into it. Reframing treats emotional emotions as information, not enemies. Anger may be teaching you a boundary feels violated. Anxiety may be teaching you you fear losing control. And jealousy may be teaching you you feel unseen or insecure. Withdrawal may be teaching you you do not feel emotionally safe. Instead of suppressing the reaction, ask what belief is underneath this. Because reactions are rarely about the surface event, they are about the story attached to it. And the belief beneath the trigger. Every trigger rests on a belief. If you feel intense rejection over small things, the belief might be I am easily replaceable. If you feel rage when corrected, the belief might be I am only valued when I am perfect. If you shut down during conflict, the belief might be conflict equals loss. Reframing allows you to confront the belief instead of just managing the behavior. And when the belief changes, the reaction is weakened. Moving from reaction to response. Reframing creates a pause. Before the pattern looked like this, trigger reaction regret. Now it becomes trigger curiosity choice. Curiosity slows the nervous system. Choice restores agency. You are no longer at the mercy of old rewiring. You are participating in your healing. Some of you are not broken, you are highly skilled survivors, but you are still using survival tools in seasons that require safety and intimacy. The work now is not to shame the survivor, it is to retrain them. I adapted to survive. Now I am learning to thrive. My triggers are not proof I am failing, they are invitations to grow. Reframing changes the eternal narrative, and when the narrative changes, identity begins to shift. Now let's pop into phase four and get into repair. Let's get into phase four repair. Action. Action, action. How to practically retrain or retrain patterns and build new emotional responses. Here we go. You do not heal by ignoring the wound, you heal by tending to it. Repair is where healing becomes visible. Awareness shows you the wound. Compassion softens your response to it, and reframing changes the story about it. Repair is what you build, is what you build something new in its place. Because insight without action keeps informed but keeps you informed. Informed but unchanged. Silence protects wounds. Honesty exposes them to light. Repair often requires conversations that feel vulnerable, but freeing. Not explosive confrontations, not rehearsed speeches meant to win, but grounded, regulated honesty. Instead of you always ignore me, try this. When you didn't respond, I felt anxious and unimportant. I'm realizing that taps into an old fear of being overlooked. Instead of you don't care about me, I want you to try this. When plans change suddenly suddenly, I felt rejected. I know that reaction is bigger than the moment, but I want to understand it. Honest conversations do three things. They stop resentment from growing in silence. They give others a chance to respond differently. They retrain your nervous system that vulnerability does not always lead to harm. Repair requires risk. But healthy risk builds a secure connection. They need guided unpacking. Therapy or pastoral counseling provides a regulated presence, objective perspective, language for what you could not name structured tools for change. Healing is relational. Many rules were formed in relationships, they are often healed in relationships. A safe counselor becomes a corrective experience. You speak the truth, you are not ashamed, you are not abandoned, you are not dismissed. That um repetition rewires expectation. It teaches the nervous system it is safe to be seen. Secure attachment is not magic, it is practice. You may not have grown up in emotional safety, but you can learn it now. Secure habits include naming feelings instead of acting them out, asking for reassurance instead of attesting loyalty, setting boundaries instead of withdrawing, staying present in conflict instead of shutting down, listening to understand, not to defend. For someone with anxious tendencies, practice self-soothing before seeking reassurance. For someone with uh avoidant tendencies, practice staying emotionally present. Five minutes longer than comfortable. For someone with excuse me. For someone with disorganized patterns, practice consistency. Small, steady connection instead of intense, uh, intense burst. Security is built through repetition. Let's do some emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is not suppression, it is management. It means your emotions can exist without controlling your behavior. Here are some tools that you can use. Pause before responding, slow your breath, breathing uh intentionally, name the feeling out loud, ground your body by noticing physical sensations, delay major conversations until you are calm. The goal is not to eliminate emotion, it is to prevent emotion from hijacking decision making. When you regulate your body, your thinking, your thinking brain comes back on. And once clarity returns, you can choose response over reaction. Repairing the relationship with yourself. Often the deepest repair is eternal. Repair sounds like I forgive myself. I forgive myself for coping the only way I knew how. You need to tend to your wound by giving yourself what you what you once denied. Validation, safety, consistency, grace. Repair is slow, it is layered, it is sometimes uncomfortable. But ignoring a wound does not heal it, it buries it alive. And buried wounds leak into marriages, friendships, leadership, parenting, and faith. You do not heal by pretending the wound never happened. You heal by attending to it. Attending means cleaning it, naming it, protecting it, and giving it time. And eventually watching new tissue from where pain once lived. Repair is not dramatic, it is deliberate. And deliberate healing changes generations. I want you to lean in with your boy right here. Hallelujah. Father, we ask Father that you begin to breathe on us at this very moment in our life. Father God, we are going to lean in here. Because this was not just simply motivation. It was interpretation. Some of you have carried wounds so long they feel like personality. But today we separate survival from identity. In the authority of Jesus Christ, I speak directly to the places that were shaped by trauma, betrayal, abandonment, and rejection. I declare, you are not what hurt you. You are not what left you. You are not what betrayed you. Every inner vow that formed in pain, I bring it into the light right now. The vowel that said I would never trust again. The vow that said I must be perfect to be loved. The vow that said I cannot need anyone. The vow that said I will always be alone. Re-renounce those agreements. You were surviving, but survival does not get to rule your future. In the name of Jesus, I break the agreement with abandonment, I break the agreement with rejection, I break the agreement with betrayal, and I break the agreement with fear. Every chain that formed in childhood, misunderstanding, be loosed. Every mental loop that replays old pain be silenced. And every spiritual whisper that says you are unworthy, be bound. Healthy love. I speak to your nervous system and I declare it to be calm. You are safe now. I speak to the younger version of you who learned to hide. You can come forward. And where there has been emotional shutdown, I release warmth. And where there has been panic, I release stability. And where there has been chaos in relationship, I release water. Every generational pattern that trains you to survive instead of thrive. I declare it stops with you. The cycle ends here, the chain breaks here, the narrative shifts here. You will love without fear, you will lead without insecurity, and you will speak without shrinking, and you will rest without guilt. What tried to bind you will no longer define you. I declare restoration over your heart. I declare clarity over your mind. I declare courage over your vulnerability. I declare strength over your boundaries. You are not broken, you are being rebuilt. You are not behind, you are being restored. And every enemy that tried to use your wound as a weapon that'll about shire against you. I declare that strategy exposed in this mentor. Your healing is not optional, it is ordained. Chains fall, shame dissolve, peace enters, and truth stands. And from this moment forward, you do not react from the wound, you respond from wholeness in Jesus' mighty name. Hallelujah. The wounds we don't talk about. Y'all stay with me. Do not shift, but stay here. Some of you have listened quietly. You nodded. You recognized yourself. Hallelujah. You seen yourself in patterns. You felt the tension in your chest when certain examples were named. That was not coincidence. That was exposure. And exposure is mercy. So today we are not leaving this as information. We are making it a decision. If you know there are wounds you have hidden, if you know your triggers are louder than your peace, if you know survival has been steering your relationship, if you know you are tired of reacting from pain, this is your moment. I want you to make a decision internally. No more agreements with fear, no more loyalty to old pain, no more protecting wounds that are poisoning your present. Right now in your space, say it here. I refuse to be governed by what hurt me. Say it again. I refuse to be governed by what hurt me. I break agreement with every lie attached to my womb. I break agreement with every lie attached to my wound. This is not hype, this is alignment. Some of you have been praying for elevation while still chained to old narratives. Elevation without healing becomes exposure, healing prepares you for increase. So today we choose healing. If abandonment shaped you, you are not abandoned now. If rejection marked you, you are not rejected now. If betrayals scared you, you are not doomed to repeat it. And if childhood silence trains you to shrink, you do not shrink anymore. Lift your head. This is the line. The cycle stops here, the pattern ends here, the narrative changes here. You are not the wound, you are not the trauma, you are not the coping mechanism. You are becoming whole. And from this moment forward, you do not respond from panic, you do not respond from shame, you do not respond from insecurity, you respond from clarity, from identity, from truth. Now walk in it. This episode right here today does not end with just information. It ends with you taking transformation. Listen to me. Listen to me. What you confront, you can conquer. What you confront, you can conquer. And that right there within itself is 100% amazing. Because I need to know that what I stand up to, I'm gonna overcome it. So Father God, we rejoice in your name on today, God, for the transformation that's about to take place. Hey y'all, listen. I love y'all so much. And I hope you guys have enjoyed today's episode. And I hope that you really do decide to do the work so that you can come out good on the other side. Listen, I love you so much. But most importantly, God loves you more. Listen, I see you back here next week with another episode as we continue to move in healing. Cause God is doing something in this season here. And if he ain't listened to no season that I've ever listened to, season eight is the season that you need to walk it through. From episode one all the way to episode 20. I might even do 21 episodes this season and just have a party on that episode, but I don't know yet. We're gonna see. Listen, I love y'all, and I'll see y'all right here, same place, same time, y'all.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:53

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Crown Table Unleashed with Jeffy Clark III. If you found today's episode meaningful and impactful, share it right now with your friends and family. Tune in again right here, same place, same time, and remember, we're meeting you where you are no matter what time of the day it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:53

Your someone may clean with the rebel may stand. Hill personally unclean to the lonely truth from me. Hill cleans the five is called a dwelling place with a little kingdom closed, finish completely back to you.